Open Letter to Senior Parents

Dear Parents of Seniors,

As we move into the latter part of March, the last of the college admission decisions are being released.  I know that this can be a very exciting and stressful time for students and their families. I would like to share some explanatory information compiled by a team of college counselors about the decisions that students may receive at this point in the process so that you have a fuller understanding of your options.

Accepted/Admitted

Congratulations! You've been admitted to the school, as long as you keep your grades at the same level through graduation.  Read the admission letter carefully to be sure you follow the steps required by the college (including housing applications, deposits, etc.).   

Denial

For whatever reason, the college has not offered you admission. Don't take it personally and don't panic. There is absolutely more than one right college for everyone! Move forward and work for your next ‘right’ school.

Wait List

This means that you may be contacted over the summer (sometimes as early as May but possibly as late as August) and offered admission to the college. A wait list option is not a guarantee of future admission, just a possibility, so you must commit to attending another college which did offer admission. It is also important that you respond to the wait list offer; students must accept the offer in order to be considered part of the wait list.  

The following suggestions, published by our partners at International College Counselors, are extremely helpful as your family experiences this part of the college process.

How to Help Your Child Cope with College Admissions Results
1. Say positive things.  Let your child know how proud you are of him or her for getting through high school and wanting to go to college. Even before knowing if your child was accepted or rejected at schools.
2.  Stay supportive. This is a hard time for a student whether they get into their first choice college or not. If your child gets rejected, this may be the first time they're dealing with major disappointment. A parent's job is to stop this from damaging self-esteem. For students who get in, after the initial euphoria, they'll start thinking about what going to college really means. Leaving home, leaving friends, leaving a comfortable routine, having to find themselves, and make their own way is difficult. Understandably, this may feel overwhelming.
3.  Talk it out. Allow your child to be emotional. Talk about getting accepted and rejected and turn it into a teachable moment. If your child is hurt over a rejection, be sensitive and acknowledge the pain of disappointment. Then help your child accept that he or she didn't get in and move forward with the opportunities that do present themselves.  Children who get accepted have a right to be proud, but help them understand that it's important to be sensitive to the feelings of their friends who may not be so happy with their admissions results.
4. Focus on what's important.  Let your child know that getting into a first pick college is important, but it's not the end of the world if they don't. Let your child know you don't love or like them any less and they shouldn't love or like themselves any less either. College is one step on a long road. Much of the college admission process was out of your family's control. College admissions are highly subjective. A high GPA isn't the only thing that counts. Maybe the band really needed a new oboe player.
5. Don't let your child take rejection personally. Someone at the college just didn't think your child was the right fit at the time. Your student may actually be better off someplace else.  Your child can have a great experience no matter where he or she goes.
6. Practice gratitude.  With your student, thank the people that made a college acceptance possible.  Think of the parent who shared the responsibility of driving hours and hours of carpool, a teacher writing a thoughtful college recommendation, a coach staying a little bit longer after practice, and a principal making sure the student got the classes he/she needed.  No child gets into college without a supportive team.
7. Say Yay!  Celebrate all the college acceptance letters your child gets. Getting into any college is great. Talk to your child about how he or she will let friends know.
8. Reframe the future.  Truly worried students may relax knowing that there is always the option to transfer. Our recommendation is to keep this as a back pocket option and not as a goal. Students who go to college with the intent of transferring won't be able to enjoy the full college experience they can have. Once they settle in, many students are actually very happy.
9. Do something nice. When all the letters are in, celebrate the end of this intense time.  Go out for a nice family dinner, or give a student a meaningful gift. Make this time positive. 

I would like to assure each of you that I am here to answer your questions, support you, and help in whatever way possible as your family navigates these exciting waters!  Please feel free to reach out to me.